I’m not sure even where to start this, so let’s cut to the chase.

After a whirlwind four months in Europe from May to August 2016, I returned home to set goals in my personal life and work. Making a pledge to ensure a better work/life balance. Taking time out to smell the roses!

I’m not sure what happened to the bloody roses, it seems I landed in more bullshit that anyone could have ever imagined.

Let’s set the scene – I left the family home at the end of November 2012 – there are many reasons for this and if I’m honest, it had been coming a long time. However, when, let’s just say things changed in the bedroom, I knew my now ex-husband had been ‘elsewhere’. Despite his denial – a woman knows! This set in motion what was to become the most turbulent 4 years of my life.

The final nail in the coffin came in December 2016.

My ex had been born in Malacca, Malaysia and the family emigrated to Perth in the mid ’60s. They faced many challenges despite which, they flourished. With 5 children in a new country, the matriarch stormed ahead to set up a new life for her family. I would like to say I have admiration for this woman, although the admirable qualities are quelled by the pain and torture she has caused to my family over the past 30 years, I struggle to find an ounce of compassion. Without a single doubt in my mind, she was the major cause of the demise of our marriage. Again, the reasons are many although the hypocrisy of the Catholic religion yet again shows its true colours!

Godfrey has never returned to Malacca since the day his family left as a small child, he will tell you he has no clear memory and therefore no connection although in December 2016, he had made the decision to travel to back to Malacca with his mother, brother and sister and their families. The girls and I were sincerely happy that he had made the decision to return, to go with his family, to relive their childhood. He talked to the girls about taking them the following year, something I had hoped would come to fruition so the girls could learn more about their Malaysian heritage.

As the departure date neared, the trip was falling apart – his mother and sister had pulled out although he was still going with his brother and family. As he was walking out the door, I casually asked when his brother would arrive. “The 28^th!” I was shocked, here was a man, returning to his country of birth for the first time in over 50 years, travelling away from his children at Christmas, to spend it on his own in a hotel room.

I have known this man intimately for over 30 years – this would never happen! I call bullshit. He argued that I was forever causing problems when his family was involved. I’ve never been a snooper – I decided to snoop!

I started on his Facebook – turns out there was a lovely photo of a young Indonesian lady “Risky Janita” snuggled in the arms of Godfrey, as her profile pic! A very quick search of photos showed several images of holiday snaps and lovers embraced throughout Asia. The catalyst and the turning point for me to shed him from my life, was when I realised he had gone on holidays with Risky Janita instead of attending his youngest daughter’s high school graduation. A decision, I’m sure he will regret for the remainder of his days although for me, the point of no return. It really didn’t shock me, it was more of an “I knew it” moment.

This is just one of the many photos that we were able to locate on the internet.

I had vowed when we separated I would keep things as amicable as possible, to keep the balance for the children. We were still living in the same house, albeit living very separate lives. I have always been very honest and upfront, telling my ex each step of the way – when I moved out of the bedroom – the house, when I filed for divorce etc. I had always said if there was a third party involved, we could no longer carry on the way we had been. My new discovery was the ammunition I needed to catapult myself into a new life and separate from the destructive lifestyle we had all been living in for the past few years.

I hatched a plan to move Godfrey out of the family home – he had obviously moved on. I started planning how I would assist him to find a place in Brisbane, near to his work and get him all set up in an apartment. Make the move easy for him. I started packing his bedroom and happened across an external hard drive in the bottom of a laundry basket. To say I had opened “Pandora’s box” doesn’t even scratch the surface.

So in a nutshell, what did I find…

$100k cash in a bank account
An apartment in Batam, Indonesia
Several email addresses
Holiday bookings to various Asian destinations

I can back date Risky Janita to 2012 before I left the marriage and here I had the proof. Godfrey spent time for work in Batam in 2009, so my gut tells me it had been going on since then.

Any second thoughts I may have had about my decision to send Godfrey packing was lost, I took to the task like a rat up a drainpipe. I booked storage pods and proceeded to pack him into a box. 25 years of ‘in case stuff’ went in to boxes with his name on it.

Keeping to my word of always telling him up front what’s happening – I had text him when I found the photo on Facebook (heard nothing), I sent him photos of him being packed into boxes (heard nothing).

I had found Booking.com holiday at the Mandalay Bay Resort on Singapore harbour for New Year’s, which I promptly cancelled (non-refundable). Let’s see if that jars him into action. Upon arriving at the luxury resort with his girlfriend and her child (not sure if it’s his) to find his reservation cancelled, he hastily put himself on a plane to return to the Gold Coast, which was no longer home.

I hold no shame for what happened – it’s not my shame to carry. I was deceived by someone I loved, by someone I had entrusted with not only my life but the lives of my children.

I’m not a wallflower that lets the world pass me by – if I have a fault, it’s that I trusted too much or is it, that I just didn’t care…